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Well it’s been a long time since I wrote. I’ve been meaning to write for weeks now, really. But I just couldn’t find the time. That is until today. And what is it that compels me to write a post after months of putting it off? Well, I can’t believe I’m going to say this but it’s Eminem and Rihanna.
Before I get into this, a slight disclaimer for you all. I really don’t like Eminem or Rihanna’s music. No offense to them, it’s just not my thing. And I haven’t really sat down and watched a music video since TRL was in it’s heyday and Backstreet Boys were fighting it out with N*Sync. But I just had to see the video for Eminem’s new single, “Love The Way You Lie” featuring Rihanna. And it all started a few hours ago…
I was sitting there watching E! News, don’t ask why, even I don’t know why I watch these things. And the very first thing they show is clips of the music video. Then Giuliana and Ryan start discussing that the video is controversial because a lot of people think it glorifies domestic abuse and makes it sexy. From the clips I saw, I had to disagree, but I couldn’t form a real opinion until I saw the video.
In case you’re not the million other people who have viewed it on YouTube then this video depicts the darkest time in Eminem’s life with his now ex-wife, Kim. Dominic Monaghan and Megan Fox portray Eminem and Kim, and the video isn’t for the kids. It’s chock full of extreme domestic violence and, yes, there is some sex in there. But in my opinion, I don’t think it glorifies anything; in fact, I think it does the opposite. Short of being a PSA, it shows what a real physically and mentally violent relationship looks like with a bunch of symbolism thrown in. Having Rihanna sing the chorus is also a good and haunting choice as only a year ago she herself was a victim of abuse. And the only “glorifying” I can see is that they used big name Blockbuster stars as the tumultuous couple instead of unknowns.
Now again, a disclaimer: I have personally never been in a physically or emotionally violent relationship but I know a couple of friends and co-workers who have. One that comes to mind is someone I work with. She has told me flat out that her boyfriend has hit her in front of her own children. She says at least once a month that it’s time for him to go and she doesn’t want her children to be exposed to this type of violence. But there she is a week later with a fresh bruise on her arm that suspiciously looks like a hand print and a black eye that no make-up can cover up and her excuse is she walked into a door. I thought that was something you only heard in movies but there you go, right out of the mouth of a real life person.
And when I sat there and watched this music video, it really puts you in the mindset of someone in a relationship like this. Yes it depicts the steamy and passionate love scenes but you see it’s only because the violence is what sets it off. You see Monaghan give her a teddy bear and a flower with promises that he’ll never do it again, and seconds later there they are going at it, Monaghan punching holes through walls and mirrors and Fox not holding back in her punching and spitting. It’s like what Eminem says in the song, not only are they addicted to the fighting but they’re addicted to the making up as well. And you say you’re going to leave but in the end, like in the music video, the cycle just starts all over again.
So I really don’t think this glorifies or sexualizes anything. Some people think the message is lost in translation but I don’t think making it clearer by putting a hot-line number for domestic abuse at the end of the video is what this is all about. It’s about the psychology of it. About being sucked into this whirlwind that you can’t escape from. This comes straight from someone who has been there and I for one think it’s insightful for those of us not exposed to situations like this, and, hopefully, eye opening for those who are.
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